she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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