It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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