You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
