you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
