How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
