Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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