It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Bring me that man meat
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
