so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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