had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Im part way to drunk.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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