i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My dick has a subreddit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
