I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
