he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
