Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
