Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
