in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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