My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
