Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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