I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
