Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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