dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
