I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Are we still banned from the library?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
