btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
