He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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