Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
