i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize