Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
