I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
