Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
