I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
