there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
