shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I smell like Dick and happiness
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
