He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize