I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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