This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
