I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
