its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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