I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
