he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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