toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
foreskin is a definite game changer
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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