ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
