Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize