Whod you bang
Don't you send me to vm
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
