Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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