Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
