I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
