i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
