The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did I show you my penis last night?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
