Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
