You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
