somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
