The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
FUCK WHALES
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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