If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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