You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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