I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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