True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
