Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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