we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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