Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
