This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
