well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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