she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
