I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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