the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The power of my boobs compel you
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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