She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
